1 Year Ago Marijuana Scared Me
January 19th, 2022 (10:08pm)
Journal Entry #4
Night. It’s 2022. I feel different. I have not smoked for 12 days.
I’ve done some pretty crude things to get high. I’ve stolen from friends. I’ve gone searching in the mud and rain for a roach. I’m willing to drive over an hour.
I just think about the grip this drug has had on my adult life.
I started smoking when I was 15 or 16. I would sneak out.
I did weed in college, freshman and sophomore year. Junior and senior year it developed into a daily habit.
Upon graduation, I found ways to acquire it. Pens, cartridges, edibles. I’ve just consistently found ways to let it in.
But I will see what it’s like without it.
I smoke to feel creative. And think creatively. Perhaps it’s an escape. An illusion. Something that appears to make me creative.
I’ve built the habit of writing. I make music often. These are my habits.
Running is a habit. I’ve made it easy and trackable.
When I’m alone, I think and reflect and find reason to progress.
When I’m around others, I feel stuck and confined. Hm.
