Think about an aspiring engineer.
Or an aspiring teacher, or doctor, or aspiring whatever.
At what point would you consider them no longer “aspiring?”
Aspiring is a funny word. It means to direct hope or ambition towards becoming a specific type of person. It’s weird to think you could be aspiring towards something right now and not even know it.
That’s kind of how 2020 felt for me.
The first time I touched a music software was in 2016. I discovered GarageBand randomly after sifting through an iPad I bought for college. At the time, I knew nothing about making…
Well, this is technically my third.
I put out a laymans project in August 2018 called “Play on Words.” It was the first (and worst) music I ever released; it was borderline satirical. I wouldn’t even call it music now, it was honestly just me being an idiot with a less than basic understanding of audio production — which resulted in a comical collection of WAV files upon which I called “music.”
I found my means to suddenly create and release my own sounds on the Internet mostly ironic; I explain that here. Back in 2018, my life was, eh…
This is not what you think. Do not read this.
The upcoming month has the potential to be very special. I guess every month has this, but this month I have the potential to make it special.
I’m taking a break from work. Which as a college graduate, is worth mentioning. In May, I’m moving to Nashville so this 30-day break gives me a moment to prepare, relax, and transition.
I think about this time last year. How bizarre, beaten, and fragmented the world felt. 2020 was nuts. I remember being sent home to do my corporate job remotely —…
One thing I’ve been thinking about is interpreting, and supporting, other artists’ music — specifically less known, up-and-coming artists. I know the joy that comes from others receiving and appreciating the music you make, so I want to take the opportunity to reciprocate the energy, write about something I love (music), and share dope art.
I listened to “Kentucky Fried” last night when I saw it pop up on my Spotify. I’ve been following dude on Instagram for a while and always thought he had a relatable, tangible ambiance as an artist. I don’t know him, but he seems like…
I think I can surmise today as a day of unfocus. Or lack of attention to anything outside my immediate satisfaction.
Maybe I was honest with myself. Maybe I need to detach from my identification with shortcoming. Maybe I’m facing the consequences of prolonged selfishness.
I never want to be passive. When I encounter opportunity to show and think and express I want to have the capacity to do so. I’m left unfulfilled when I don’t or can’t. I want to recharge from a place of strength and goodness. …
I still don’t have any tattoos. I don’t really know if I’m supposed to get one.
The idea of permanence scares me. How do I know what I know now will remain forever? I feel like the upside of a good tattoo does not justify the downside of a bad tattoo. Maybe I have a narrow sense of taste and see options as purely right or wrong. In reality, perhaps there is good and better.
Sometimes anything is better than nothing.
Maybe my life would instantly improve if I had a tattoo. I’d be cooler, edgy-er, more decorated, right? Or…
everything is quiet. but i feel aggressive.
i got off from a show i look away. i just wanted to be. i hear nothing.
im a slave everyday. i dont change the thing i know i should change.
when i dont use capitals i dont care. it feels very light and neat and passive
letters arent even real. they are signpost. they point to meaning but they are not meaning. if i write the word gum, you do not get gum. i could explain gum i could show you gum i could talk about gum for hours but you will…
I’m in a space, I feel pressure to move forward and ascend beyond what I already am. And overcome what I know is faulty about myself.
That’s funny. How I can be aware of my pitfalls, yet still fall face first into them.
I think about that all the time. How I am constantly working against myself and fighting against who I am… or who I’m supposed to be.
It’s all very disturbing.
It’s disturbing because it’s chaotic. And that’s how we are as people, we naturally just suck and our whole life is trying to undo that, trying to…
The past is hazy and cluttered — with it, come waves of sentiment and doses of elusiveness because I feel it, but cannot remember it.
I’m reading 1984 by George Orwell. In his story, the concept of past, present, and future are distorted to the point where nothing is objectively true. No one knows the year. No one can tell which facts are fake and which are real. No one has any control over their own destiny.
I feel like I’m in 1984.
I feel like I’m in 1984 because I forget how I got here — I forget the…
I just haven’t had anything interesting to say. I haven’t felt anything worth expressing in writing. I think this is where the problem lies.
I’ve found that writing is maybe the least expressive form of communication. Okay, maybe expressive isn’t the right word. Maybe it is. I don’t know, you can be really clear and super logical and thorough with writing, but it lacks something human — something inexpressible through words on a screen.
When we speak, our bodies do most of the talking. …
Bored, uneducated, homeless — em dashes are my specialty. I write what I see, think, and feel. That’s it.