I Can’t Write, Maybe I’ll Just Talk

“You ever feel like this?” Source: Unsplash

This time a year ago, I published my first story on Medium. It’s weird to think I’ve been “finishing articles” consistently for 1 year. It feels like forever, but at the same time it’s like, “how did I decide what to write about all those times?”

More importantly, why even do it in the first place?

Why did I decide to sit down and type out a bunch of random, short-form articles? Was I motivated by money? (Maybe, a little. I mean it was my first time getting paid to do something I was already doing for free, come on).

But I didn’t even make that much, so it wasn’t really that.

Did I write so much because I found the perfect place to publish it?

Partially, yes. (Medium is great.)

But there’s more behind it, something more… human.

I Write Because If I Don’t, I’ll Go Nuts

You know what’s a lot like writing, but completely opposite?

Talking.

Think about it; writing is like talking… if you enjoy talking to a wall. DUDE, THERE’S NO ONE THERE. How often do you stand up and go “Hey, here’s a 5-minute monologue about X topic — all me — ready-set-here-I-go everybody.”

Yeah, never.

So for a quiet guy like me, what a perfect opportunity, right?

Even as an introvert, writing is really hard. In the beginning, it was all about how I felt. I think I tried to be inspirational? As I wrote more and more, I began to sweep my mind and force questions like “What do I know?” “What can I talk about?” It gets really old. Eventually, you start wondering “Can I just go back to when this felt effortless?” That’s what I’m feeling in this phase of unease.

Writing is just a series of thoughts — but you feel them on a deeper level.

No way, could I express all this within a dialogue. We’d never get there, I need the time and space to think about what I really want to say. But while that’s true, I’ve also learned it’s sometimes better to not think about it too much. When you constantly look at things as a “I need to help, show, or tell people something significant,” it can be almost overwhelming. Eventually, you’ll have to accept what you don’t know and say stuff because you honestly feel it.

Don’t be too inside your head, too long-form; it’ll slow you down.

That’s how this began for me, as an outlet, so I really should treat it like that. It’s so great to put out what has meaning to you, especially in a way that feels natural (despite how unnatural it may be).

I mainly watch and listen; however, writing is my piece.

It’s nice to have a direct energy about things and say what’s on your mind — I haven’t been doing that lately. Yeah, I’ve been sitting back, thinking, and analyzing, but I’ve been too critical. I have to challenge myself to move forward and grow in how I communicate.

This is a mental exercise.

I can never knock how writing has helped me.

Writers are spectators; students of life first. We are constantly picking our brains, watching behaviors, contemplating ideas — then we find ways to put those thoughts into action.

For someone like me, it’s a super power.

- AZ

Bored, uneducated, homeless — em dashes are my specialty. I write what I see, think, and feel. That’s it.

Bored, uneducated, homeless — em dashes are my specialty. I write what I see, think, and feel. That’s it.