I Was Wrong for Being So Happy, Content, and Depressed About This

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2/3/2019 (9:54pm)

Life is so strange. I’m living in a dream. I’m completely alone. For the first time in literally ever. I was with her for 6 years. I was 16 years old. I didn’t know shit at 16 years old. Never in my adulthood have I been alone.

Thinking Vs. Reality

In this story, I’ve written a lot of “I thought” and “I feels.” We love to live in our heads. I constantly find myself comparing and contrasting my current situation to where I think I’m supposed to be, when I’m actually better off looking at reality objectively and honestly.

“When you’re thinking negatively about yourself and feeling insecure, ask yourself if there’s evidence to support it.”

Basically, am I basing my self-worth entirely on how I think and feel? Or, am I looking at my situation realistically with evidence provided from the past?

2/20/2019 (12:34am)

I just want to write about my day. I woke up at 7:43am and was incredibly sore from yesterday. So sore it hurt to be awake. Chest day was intense, I repped 225 and did negatives resulting in something called hyperplasia.

The Lesson Learned

Given the way I felt two weeks prior, the fact I was able to write “I am happy” at the end of that journal entry is astonishing; this brings me to my point.

Whatever you’re feeling right now, it won’t last forever. So don’t get too excited or down about it. Accept it.

That sounds so awfully cliche, but as I reflect on my journal, that’s the theme I find time and time again. So often, everything feels so set in stone. I always convince myself “shit, this is the way it’s gonna be from here on out!” And that’s simply not the case. Life constantly changes. No matter how good or bad things are going, change is coming. So be prepared for it.

5/9/2019 (5:19pm)

Dang. Everything worked out. I could have never predicted life would go so great over these last couple months. I truly feel like I’ve blossomed and I’m actually kind of bummed everything is about to change… again.

Bored, uneducated, homeless — em dashes are my specialty. I write what I see, think, and feel. That’s it.

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