I Like Toothpicks

Life is automatically 3 times cooler.

“Have you ever even held a toothpick? Stick one through your cheek and tell me life doesn’t instantly get cooler.”

Ah. I’m dying. Ok, seriously, toothpicks are highly underrated. It’s almost unnecessary how useful they are and I’m not even kidding. They are both versatile and convenient and should be used as tissues, chapstick, and sunscreen are used.

For One

I chew the side of my cheek like NO OTHER. Oh my, it’s disgusting, but I love ripping off a big ole’ chunk. I get weirdly satisfied by it, I don’t even know why I do it. It’s nasty, but it happens.

Secondly

These little things help me concentrate. Studying, writing, driving, whatever — I somehow focus better if I have a toothpick in my mouth.

Rounding 3rd

There are many random uses for one single toothpick. I almost don’t even have to explain, but I will.

Almost home, watch out!

You have to be careful though. Toothpicks are not for the careless. This ain’t for all you “young and reckless” crazy kids— you are not ready for this dangerous lifestyle.

The number one pitfall: Do not chock and die by toothpick.

Gotta watch out for this. Unlikely, but hey, ever seen 1,000 Ways to Die? Death is so far in the realm of possibility, it’s not even funny.

  • Removing shirt and dragging pick up into nose (i.e. brain)
  • If you’re really bold and you tuck the entire pick when drinking, do not let pick go down with drink (it will not go smooth).

Home run

I know I made a lot of funnies here, but seriously, toothpicks are a great substitute for all kinds of harmful chemicals / tobacco.

Bored, uneducated, homeless — em dashes are my specialty. I write what I see, think, and feel. That’s it.

Bored, uneducated, homeless — em dashes are my specialty. I write what I see, think, and feel. That’s it.