I’m Literally Not Shit

This is day 7; I’ve wrote on Medium everyday for a full week. Today is a bit different.

No hiding

I’d say majority of pieces you read on Medium incorporate a few things: motivation, positivity, and/or inspiration. Writers want to give readers the impression they are smart, original, and overall well put together individuals.

Nothing wrong with this; empowerment is a great thing to instill in others. But I’d say most people don’t write or post content on their bad days. We avoid spreading our negative emotions — we never want to come off as whiny, sluggish, or “mad at the world.” If we’re feeling blue, we’ll probably take a day off.

Writing everyday exposes you

I’ve challenged myself to write on here for 30 days straight (If you’ve been following me, I’m sorry for the redundancy). Everyday! No buts about it.

But…

Today, I️ feel like ass.

Today, I️’m not here to “wow” you with knowledge. Today, I’m not here to motivate you to do something. Today, I honestly just feel bad. And for no apparent reason, which is even more bothersome.

Dear diary,

This is what this feels like right now. On day 1, I️ pointed out there would be posts like this. It’s here. I’m about to throw up all my thoughts and urges right here for all to witness.

I️ hate being average

Hate is a strong word, but fitting where I️ placed it. I️ really do dislike feeling average, or “normal” or just on par with everyone else. It’s one of my biggest fears to live by a standard.

That being said, I️ hold super high goals for myself. Like really high, really over the top in a lot of ways. I️ don’t expect other people to understand. I️ get that people will read this paragraph and say “You sound pretentious as fu*k.”

But it’s just how I️ am. Call it whatever you want. There are a lot of words for it, actually: Perfectionist. Stubborn. Dreamer. Whatever.

For the most part, I️ enjoy chasing big goals. I️ like working towards something. But on some days, I️’m completely discouraged. As if I’ll always be where I️ am. Like I’ll never reach my full potential. And that’s an awful feeling.

To make it even worse

You remember that thing we have called the internet? Yeah, it won’t let you forget that other people are doing awesome things — other people are reaching success and relishing in it.

These are the days when I️ want to get rid of Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat [again]. I’m tired of referencing my life to others.

You see people doing things you wish you could do. Whether it’s this guy starting a company, or this artist getting paid for her creations, or this person reaching thousands of people with the click of a button. There’s people out there making a real impact, changing the world, and I’m stuck doing Accounting homework in my dorm.

Trust me, I️ know

I️ get this is a crappy way of thinking. We all do the best we can. I️ get that I️ shouldn’t compare my “Chapter 1” to someone else’s “Chapter 15.” (yeah I’ve heard the stupid saying) There’s really nothing to be done about it. There are no shortcuts.

I’m human. I️ get frustrated. I️ get down on where I’m at. I️ suppose it’s just part of life.

Tomorrow’s a new day

I️ have no clue the purpose of this post. I️ don’t know what to leave you with…

The good thing is negative feelings aren’t perpetual. These things come and go. You’ve always got a chance to get back on track and become inspired in a new way.

Wait, I️ do know what I️ can close with: If you feel the way I️ do right now, let that shit out. Release it somehow, do not hold it in. Talk to someone. Write it somewhere. If you can’t do it with words, go punch something (not someone).

The best way to overcome an emotion is to face it and let it go. You’ve always got tomorrow.

- AZ