I don’t usually write about girls, or relationships, or dating — this is way outside my realm of “expertise” (yeah right), so odds are I’ll make a complete fool of myself before this is over.
Truthfully, I know next to nothing about dating. I haven’t done a whole lot of it in my life. I’ve mostly been in long relationships. But now I’m 23, and single, and I have to embrace the stark reality of dating as an adult; I have to accept all the uncertainty, rejection, and childlike confusion that comes with it.
I’m an idiot, so I had to Google “are humans biologically designed to desire a companion” before writing this. I guess some strange part of me wants to reject all forms of flirtatiousness right now. I’ve convinced myself dating isn’t something I need to focus currently. I have other directions, and ambitions, and areas I’d rather put my time and energy into.
But from a biological standpoint, yes, everyone desires an intimate relationship with the opposite sex.
I’d say our desire to love is probably the greatest desire we have because it leads to the most important aspects of being a human being.
Reproduction is a good one. It’s maybe the most fundamental instinct we have. To reproduce. To carry the genes forward. To coddle and raise a little mutant version of ourselves — it’s some left over monkey stuff. We also desire compassion and intimacy. Without it, everything sucks. Psychologically, we need to connect with someone on a deeper level, otherwise we go crazy, feel empty, and become resentful because the vanilla, day-to-day interactions will never be enough to satisfy our existential thirst for love and affinity.
… I think.
All I know is, unfortunately, dating is a prerequisite to all those things.
And dating is hard.
Talking to girls isn’t easy…
Well, let me rephrase that. Talking to girls who are really pretty and really attractive isn’t exactly easy. The moment I realize I like someone is the moment I start trying to act cool. The moment I start trying to act cool is the moment I become extremely uncool. That’s when I’m most likely to become awkward, self-concious, and maybe even a little annoying.
Every time I’ve ever called a girl “dude,” it’s been by accident without thought — completely unintentional. Example:
Girl: I know, but have you ever thought about trying ____?
Me: I don’t know dude, I feel like I should…
Whoops. It feels like a whoops kind of moment. In the back of my mind, I always half panic. I think to myself: “Yo idiot. You just called that girl (who’s clearly not a dude) a dude. Not cool DUDE.” Secretly, I worry she’s weirded out and basically offended; like oh, I’m a bro to you. Cool. Girls don’t wanna be bros. I mean, sometimes they do…But not all the time.
Anyway, I worry she’ll take “dude” the wrong way.
And this is the epitome of dating and figuring out who you’re compatible with and all that. You have to go through this interpersonal unraveling process — you have to grapple with the other person’s idea of right and wrong. That’s what happens when you really like someone initially, you become very cautious of what you say and do because that reveals who you are. And you don’t know the other person well enough to know if that’s exactly safe or not.
Yeah, it’s pretty stressful to value someone else’s opinion so highly.
For some, dating begins to feel like a mental chess-match trying to anticipate and gauge what the other person might be thinking. I’m 100% guilty of doing this. Sometimes my mind runs with so many thoughts, it feels like my brain has a critical malfunction. “ALERT. ALERT. DUMMY MODE ACTIVATED.” I can’t talk or think, so I just end up blanking and saying some stupid nonsense. I mean it’s really hard to like someone; it becomes super easy to complicate really simple stuff…
Like the word “dude.”
He Called You “Dude.” Here’s What It Means:
When a guy calls you “dude,” it’s actually a sign he enjoys talking to you because he’s comfortable and confident around you.
I’ve thought a lot about this.
If you’re a girl and I call you “dude,” it means I’m not overthinking — I’m not worried about being cool. I’m not trying to be perfect and proper. I’m not tripping over every thought. I’m relaxed, comfortable, and confident around you.
This is a very good thing; especially in the context of dating.
When seeking out potential relationships, we have a tendency to try and come off as a “better version” than who we really are. We try to behave and do all the right things because we’re in impression mode. We puff out our chests and flip our hair and pretend to be all put together and on point. I mean, it’s rare for someone to expose all their terrible, ugly, and honest parts right off the bat — especially when you REALLY like someone.
That said, if I’m comfortable enough to think, talk, and behave in a way that’s true to who I am, I’m experiencing a level of closeness and security with you.
Calling you “dude” means I’m okay being me around you. And I know you enough to understand how you work, too.
“Dude” is just a word after all, and it doesn’t mean anything more or less. It’s not a definite sign of liking someone nor is it a clear indication of dislike; it’s essentially a sign a guy is comfortable and sees you as someone he can be friendly and maybe even playful with.
Which is useful to know.
Especially if you’re trying to figure out this whole “dating” thing.