Ladies, Don’t Freak Out Because He Called You “Dude”

Alec Zaffiro
4 min readJan 29, 2020

I don’t usually write about girls, or relationships, or dating — this is way outside my realm of “expertise” (yeah right), so odds are I’ll make a complete fool of myself before this is over.

Truthfully, I know next to nothing about dating. I haven’t done a whole lot of it in my life. I’ve mostly been in long relationships. But now I’m 23, and single, and I have to embrace the stark reality of dating as an adult; I have to accept all the uncertainty, rejection, and childlike confusion that comes with it.

I’m an idiot, so I had to Google “are humans biologically designed to desire a companion” before writing this. I guess some strange part of me wants to reject all forms of flirtatiousness right now. I’ve convinced myself dating isn’t something I need to focus currently. I have other directions, and ambitions, and areas I’d rather put my time and energy into.

But from a biological standpoint, yes, everyone desires an intimate relationship with the opposite sex.

Duh. Okay.

So what?

I’d say our desire to love is probably the greatest desire we have because it leads to the most important aspects of being a human being.

Reproduction is a good one. It’s maybe the most fundamental instinct we have. To reproduce. To carry the genes forward. To coddle and raise a little mutant version of ourselves — it’s some left over monkey stuff. We also desire compassion and intimacy. Without it, everything sucks. Psychologically, we need to connect with someone on a deeper level, otherwise we go crazy, feel empty, and become resentful because the vanilla, day-to-day interactions will never be enough to satisfy our existential thirst for love and affinity.

… I think.

All I know is, unfortunately, dating is a prerequisite to all those things.

And dating is hard.

Talking to girls isn’t easy…

Well, let me rephrase that. Talking to girls who are really pretty and really attractive isn’t exactly easy. The moment I realize I like someone is the moment I start trying to act cool. The moment I start trying to act cool is the moment I become extremely uncool

Alec Zaffiro

I write to think and organize my ideas. I like psychology, philosophy, and self-improvement—em dashes are my specialty. Not an expert.*