So get this. People with tattoos?
Yeah, turns out they want more.
It took me a really long time to understand this; I just couldn’t wrap my head around it (probably because I’m not inked). It wasn’t until I searched the phrase “want more tattoos” on Twitter that I realized everyone with a tattoo is ready for another — and like, soon!
So I no longer have any nagging doubt about our embarrassing infatuation with platitudes. For a while there, I was unsure if this was the case or not, but now there’s no confusion about our perennial pursuit to seem professed and ostensible as young adults.
No, “ostensible” is not a word I use regularly. Not even sure if I used it correctly. I just searched it to sound smart in this Medium article.
Eighteen cretins saw this Earth-shattering factoid and couldn’t resist the urge to reiterate their own desire to “want some more tatties.” I mean, how else are you supposed to imply you’re part of the highly coveted group of people who have tattoos, yet are actively seeking more? C’mon.
I don’t think Jared understands how this works… Out of concern, I contacted him and asked about his perplexing tweet. His reply:
“Make no mistake, I definitely have a couple meaningless squirts of ink beneath my skin! I just don’t see the point in stressing over what I’m gonna get, it’s just like screw it man. Whatever happens, happens.”
It’s clear Jared has absolutely no plans to refrain from gathering more irrelevant, permanent markings across his entire body.
No more questions asked.
Unbelievable. This selfless individual is willing to accept donations in support of her degrading graffiti habit. Please, someone direct me to the sign-up sheet so I can donate all my fucking bitcoin to Jackie.
“I need glasses, but I’m severely blind and don’t need glasses.”
“I need a car, but I’m 12 years old and currently on house arrest.”
“I need an Apple Watch, but there’s no justifiable reason whatsoever.”
Wait, did she say she’s “craving” a tattoo? Am I missing something?
Somewhere along the way, I must’ve confused myself. I thought getting a tattoo meant letting some gauged-ear-freak-show repeatedly stab you dermis-deep for hours on end, all the while it’s excruciating, expensive, and totally unnecessary to everything else in life.
Boy, was I wrong.
Apparently, some people crave (i.e. feel an intense yearning) to be painfully prodded over and over again — at this moment, someone somewhere is huddled in a corner craving just one more tattoo…
I don’t get it.
This is solely for satirical purposes. But if you’re mad about it, tweet me.