Self-Promotion But Overemphasized So It’s Funny

Photo of Me by Me

Hi there! This is Alec, the most prolific amateur writer to emerge as of June 18th, 2017… like, that day only he was the best to emerge. His affluential writings have been featured in major (yet relatively easy to join) publications such as The Startup, The Writing Cooperative, and many more. Alec has also earned multiple Top-Writer tags multiple times — meaning the same 2 or 3 are stuck in a cycle of award and revoke. Nevertheless, he appears to be doing something right sometimes.

Insanely On-Par Numbers

Alec averages about 5,000 to 7,000 views* every month, which should come off as slightly impressive to those who’ve never used Medium before. “Do those numbers really even mean anything,” you ask? It depends. Miraculously though, by some form of superhuman spirit, this guy’s managed to remain humble and grounded despite his largely menial status.

*Majority of results generated come from responses to other sources

Lofty Positions

Alec used to be the Editor-in-Chief, Founder, President, CEO and some other pompous title of the publication, Cover Brands. This publication had well over half-a-dozen writers at one point and had no trouble attracting ONE whole visitor per day. (The current status of this collective is not relevant to our discussion. Just know it was very successful and did wonderful, highly lucrative / productive stuff.)

A True, Viral Sensation

Our subject is responsible for several viral hits that are sure to positively influence your perception of him. His biggest stories borrowed interest from topics such as Apple, Social Media, and Internet Culture. We’ll be sure to link a few below so you can glance at them (it’s okay, we know you won’t actually read them).

While luck and grace are largely responsible for said hits, Alec is known to publish at lease one above-average article every six months. Be sure to follow him — you won’t want to miss the next one!

Powerful Testimonies

If you have yet to fall victim to our promotional tactics, we’ve got one more trick up our sleeves: hearsay!

DISCLAIMER: These testimonies are intended to be passively accepted with no concern for validity or accuracy.

“Alec Zaffiro is my favorite writer on Medium, hands down. I have never clicked on a story of his that I did not read in its entirely or clap 50 times for.”

— Anonymous

“Before discovering Alec’s work, I didn’t know what good content was. Now, I can’t read anything online unless it comes directly from him.”

— Also Anonymous

“His writing once cured a physical illness I had. Truly magical. 10/10. Highly recommend.”

— Still Anonymous

Bored, uneducated, homeless — em dashes are my specialty. I write what I see, think, and feel. That’s it.

Bored, uneducated, homeless — em dashes are my specialty. I write what I see, think, and feel. That’s it.