1 Year Ago I Wrote This In My Journal
January 25th, 2022 (10:19am)
Journal Entry #5:
The 25th day of 2022.
I desire truth.
To go towards what is real and authentic.
To be myself in the world.
I find social media to be truly meaningless.
I don’t want to “create content.”
I don’t want to portray myself online.
I find writing and music difficult.
Perhaps this is the point and regard of creating.
I’ve plucked all the low-hanging fruit for writing.
Music is a nonstop journey into production/unknown.
The Colts are disappointing.
I’m parting ways with much of my old material goods.
Down-sizing.
I have an abundance of time and I’m not getting high.
I’m alone.
I’m dedicating time and energy to my physical health.
I miss Aja and my old friends.
Chase. Mikey. Ben.
Perhaps I should be more intentional.
Eli. Aaron. Ben Walling. Ethan. Keith. Payton. Isaiah. Cailin. Lars. Corey. Alex. Ryan. Capps. Wilke. BG Church. Conner. Jackson.
I’m able to reflect and listen and connect.
I don’t need social media.
I have the power to interact and give light and energy — “new” light and energy to old friendships.
Interpretation
Honestly, I was super lonely when I wrote this.
I was realizing change and noticing what I once had was gone.
It also seems I was going through another troublesome phase with social media… which I often do.
If I’m in a negative headspace, social media amplifies my misery.
It’s not good to feel inferior then expose yourself to the facade people portray online. It’ll only push you down further.
Application
I started doing this very weird thing during Covid in 2020.
I began posting “face talking videos” on Instagram.
I’d point the camera directly at my face and basically give a monologue. I’d say exactly what I was thinking. I was putting my feelings and motivations out there for all to see. It was very exposing and liberating.
I find that I can harness the power of online connection for good if I’m willing to be vulnerable.
Vulnerability comes from a place of confidence though.
When you’re weak and skeptical and hesitant, it’s not very easy to put yourself out there. It’s way easier to hide.
It’s a good reminder… in times of despair, that’s when you have the most potential for growth if you’re willing to be vulnerable.
-AZ
Thanks for continuing to read this little series of mine. It’s been very refreshing to share my personal journal entries with you all. I’ve gotten a ton of support.
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